Leaving
Yesterday, I told my kindergarteners that I am leaving. I explained it three times to them so they could understand that this week was the last time it would be just me. When they come back from summer vacation, it will be me and the new teacher, and then the week after that, just the new teacher. I really had trouble telling them in the first place, mostly because i didnt know what their reactions would be, and i was sad myself about the thought of having to leave them. Time just hadn’t come that i would have to tell them, so i put it off until i had to. until yesterday. We made cards for the new teacher, and as I sat down at the table looking at Justin and Amy, my eyes welled up with tears. They both looked at me, and I tried to turn my eyes away. I didn’t want them to see me cry, because i thought it would make them cry. They hugged me constantly that day.
This morning, Reina, my Korean partner teacher told me that on the way home from school yesterday, Lion was talking about me in the car with his mom, and starting crying about me leaving. While I was waiting for the kids to arrive this morning, walking around the classroom for the last time alone, I again had to hold back sobs and tears.
It is one amazing thing to see something you’ve done so tangibly. I don’t like teaching, but I am pretty impressed by how I have taught those ten, then eight, then five, then four, now seven kids. My original ten knew practically nothing. I remembered today the first day of school with them back in February. It was silent in my classroom for the first week, save a few whispers of Korean, because they literally could not converse, much less say more than a few words, in English. The four original students among the seven i have now, i’m particularly proud of. Now, they can understand when I saw I’m going back to America. They can even ask me questions, “But Teacher, when are you coming back?” (it’s a very cruel irony…) They understand my humor. In English. They joke with me. In English.
I hadn’t thought of how hard it would be to leave these kids. I should have, since it was so hard to leave the first Korean kids i loved, the summer of my Junior year of college in Manila. And that was only 2 weeks. How much more 6 months? These Evergreens are different from my Daisies. My Daisies were confident, charismatic, and very aware of their English skills. They knew they were the best class in the school, and used and abused that knowledge. My Evergreens clung to me like sheep to a shepherd. They looked lost when i told them i was leaving. See, they’re not yet confident in their English skills. Today was the last normal day with them, because, come two Mondays from now, there will be a stranger among us. They will not speak as freely, nor joke with me, nor vie for my affections as much as they did today. I’m leaving my poor little lambs to figure out a new teacher. To learn from her, regardless of how capable she is or isnt. The thought frightens me.
So, over the next two weeks, I will spend my energy preparing the new teacher – trying to help her be the best for my Evergreens. Come August 14, they’re no longer “my” Evergreens. I will spend time expressing to each of my students how proud of them I am, and how much I will miss them in America. (using both Korean and English, only this once.) And I will try to keep myself from crumbling down in front of them, hoping that they bounce back and become even better without me.
Se Hyun asked me if Teacher Melinda (the new teacher) will go to church. I answered, “I don’t know. I hope so.” she responded with “I hope so too.” That is something they learned from me that i never did teach them. They knew I went to church, and am a Christian, and believe in God. It was a special thing we shared, and if the new teacher doesn’t share it, i will trust God to keep them close with each other and with Reina in that bond.
Every time i hear someone say, “I know that.” i respond with “mangoes are sweet”. I will forever expect people to retort my “i don’t think so’s.” with “i think so’s.” i will remember things like “dirty foot cup” and “im a liger” and “teacher, your hair is so ching-ching.” i can only hope my evergreens will remember these things too, and not forget me when im gone.
